I've been hesitant to post this. I started working on this post at 5:30am on Sunday May 30. It's been looked at and read numerous times, but until now I couldn't bring myself to post this to the world. Fuck that! That's what blogging is, sharing your secrets, ideas, and thoughts with the planet. So, here is the post that I have been reluctant to share (sorry I haven't posted in a while)...

May 30, 2004

I was in Yorkton last weekend. I was attending a film festival (the longest running film fest in Canada). I met some really cool people, but one person had the biggest impact on me…

Wanted for soul mate and lover: 5’9”ish, short bleached blond hair (with a little bit of roots showing), a week’s worth of stubble, glasses, tattoo on left arm of an Irish cross, most excellent (and almost permanent) smile and very kissable lips, brown eyes, nice curvy ass, knows how to wear jeans, is cuddly and huggable, with just a light brushing of chest hair, smart and witty, sexy brooding smirk, gripping handshake, tender hugs. Must answer to the name Trevor.

Trevor. What can I say about Trevor? He is one of the coolest people I have ever met.

I knew of his name from working in TV, but I didn’t know what he looked like. I first spotted Trevor in line for supper on Thursday night. I thought to myself “What a major cutie, I must meet him”. I was introduced to him later on in the evening and had almost instantly fallen in love with him. Who knew I would find love at the Yorkton Film Fest? And with a straight guy again (somebody shoot me). This boy is a major flirt.

“You can never have us, but we’ll make you think that you’ll have a chance”, the mass of straight boys scream out.

Trevor has an amazingly positive aura about him. A while back in the blog, I wrote about how people’s auras affect me. This guy’s energy was beyond positive. He literally made the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight out. His aura is one of the things that freaks me out.

I didn’t get to know him all too well, other than what he does for a living. I kinda wish that I could get to know him better, and become good friends with him.

We hung out pretty much the entire weekend. Had breakfast on Saturday and Sunday. Walked around in the fog at 3:30 in the morning after partying and singing karaoke (badly I might add). We did a duet and butchered “Where the Streets Have No Name”. It was fucking awful. If I’m going to do something, I’m going do it in style. Having Trevor with me was definitely going out in style. Besides, I got to squeeze his bum.

I can click immediately with a miniscule about of people, most of the rest piss me off (but you know that already). I am usually very, very shy when it comes to meeting new people. The people I call very good friends of mine are people I have immediately clicked with.

I have been coming out of my shell because of the friends I have. Roger and Morgan were very instrumental in getting me to open up about myself and began the road to honesty and total ownership of “Me”. I clicked with them right away. Joanne joined my collection of good friends two and half years ago. She’s challenged me on all sorts of shit I’ve created in my life, and not just at work. She can make fun of me to my face, but do it in a way that I don’t realize that it’s happening until sometime later. And by then I am kicking myself in the head. Jo’s incredibly, incredibly smart and very funny. She is one of most generous and genuinely nicest persons I have ever met, and she’s also amazing in the kitchen (her springrolls are the best!!!). I don’t know why she puts up with me. I think she likes to keep me around to chart my progress for a research project she is working on.

Trevor would fit in very nicely into this very close and exclusive group of people I love. He probably knew all about me from a quick glance across the room. I tend to be very obvious and readable.

He’s also a film producer, which means that he’s arrogant, cocky and is constantly jockeying for position. For some reason, I believe that he’s been like that since he was a little kid. He may not even be arrogant and cocky, it may just be his passion for what he does and his determination to get it on the screen. If it is that, then I can and will applaud him. It’ll be one of the numerous things that I love about this dude.

How come I’m so intimidated by people like Jo and Trevor? Am I a true bottom? I guess I do have a submissive personality. I will definitely be exploring this in the future.

Trevor is going to be in my head for a very long time. I hope I can stay in touch with him. I hope to meet up with him again, but it’s not looking too promising, with me going back to school and leaving TV land. Sniff, sniff.

You ruled my world this past weekend, Dude. I just hope I didn’t freak you out too much.

Trevor, if I should never see you again, have a good life, smile forever, have fun and continue to rule the world.

I already miss you.

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My Current Favourite Dish: Trevor
Current Addiction: Emerge by Fisherspooner
In the DVD Player: “Return of the King”
In the CD Player: Been relying heavily on my mp3 collection. Music sucks ass, and not in a good way.
On the Tube: Nothing. I think I’m going to have to give up on TV. It’s making me not smart.